I’m kind of hairy.
Like, not super hairy, but above average. I think it’s that sprinkling of Portuguese I got from my dad’s side of the family. It’s also the only reason my scary red burns turn tan in the summer, so I guess those 2 traits cancel each other out.
Anyway, being semi-hairy means that I’ve always had some hair on my face that bothers me. It’s mostly a ton of peach fuzz, but there are some dark stragglers that are pretty impressively hideous. I almost wish I was hairier because I probably would have waxed the shit out of my face a long time ago, but since I’m only partially hairy, I’ve put it off and told myself everything is cool.
What did I learn?
- Don’t grab your dude’s razor and shave your precious face. Advocates for female face-shaving recommend using eyebrow razors like these. They’re a lot safer and take it easy on your skin.
- Some spas actually offer this as a real service. Apparently the little razor gets rid of hair and also exfoliates your face at the same time.
- Marilyn Monroe and Elizabeth Taylor shaved their faces and they were hot as hell, so don’t hate.
- The hair doesn’t grow in thicker or darker. That’s a lie.
So basically, I heard lots of reasons why I would want to shave my face and nothing that would make me not want to shave my face. I don’t know if they talked about the less favorable side of face shaving because I didn’t feel like listening and letting that negativity into my life. I needed to get an eyebrow razor and I needed one immediately.
Time to Shave
As I walked into Sally Beauty Supply, an over-eager 50-something woman with a sassy, short bleached hairdo cut me off at the door. I let her go because she obviously had a lot of feelings. She went straight for the eyebrow section, which is of course, where I was headed as well. She looked quickly and when she couldn’t find what she was looking for, she walked over to an associate and asked where the eyebrow razors were. My hairy ears perked up as I realized this woman and I were on the same mission.
I followed her and the sales girl over to another wall where we were assured they had plenty of eyebrow razors. Sadly, there were no eyebrow razors left. The girl couldn’t believe that they had run out so quickly.
“It’s because they were on the TODAY Show this morning. Women shave their face with them,” I proudly proclaimed.
Rue McClanahan shot me one of the best hate stares I’ve ever received. I had humiliated her in front of the tens of people in Sally Beauty Supply. Her secret was out.
She mumbled something and shuffled out of the store faster than she cut me off when we first walked in. She would have to live another day with a hairy face. The horror.
I was fine with what had just transpired and told myself I’d buy some off Amazon when I got home. I went into TJ Maxx to spend my life savings on picture frames and discount hair products instead. However, when I approached the checkout line, I saw them in all their glory: eyebrow razors. ALL FOR ME.
I snatched those babies up and hurried home to shave my face.
The verdict? It was kind of awesome.
My face feels smooth as silk (I’m not saying as a baby’s bottom because my face does not poop). Oh, and it’s also not covered in gross hair that, when the sun catches it just right, makes me look like Chewbacca. I am a little concerned I may have missed random patches of hair, but I can live with that. If you’re ever out in public with me and my face hair looks a little patchy, pull me aside and help a girl out. Maybe I will start carrying my face razor with me so I can shave on the fly.
If you’re a girl and you haven’t shaved your face yet, I highly recommend it. Unless you don’t have a problem with hair on your face. In which case, I hate you and shut up.