Simply glowing

Andy’s cousin has a baby growing inside her right now, and we are super psyched for her. Sadly, she lives in California and we live in Rhode Island, so we have to experience her pregness through texts and pictures. She sent me this adorableness the other day:

PregnantBethI showed Andy the next morning and although he was rushing to get ready for work, he immediately barked, “Ooo ooo let’s go upstairs for a minute to take a picture! Come on!” We have our priorities straight, people. We took the pic and texted this back to his cousin:

PregnantAndyShe’s going to hang the 2 pictures side by side in the baby’s nursery because every child deserves the chance to grow up and have a sense of humor.

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If it’s not fun, why do it?

IfItsNotFunWhyDoIt

This is not a good thing to have on your desk when you’re sitting on a boring, soul-crushing conference call. Jerry Greenfield’s wise, wise words just keep staring at me and I must fight the urge to hang up the phone.

And believe me, I’m really good at hanging up the phone randomly. I hung up during a phone interview for a job once because the girl was annoying me and I didn’t feel like answering her questions anymore. Instead of telling her that I wasn’t interested, I just hung up.

Totes professional, for sure.

We’re 22 minutes into the call…how long will I last? Who knows. I’m taking cleansing meditative breaths and imagining happy puppies running in a field of flowers.

Photo on 5-28-15 at 9.55 AM

Teenage angst in my 30s

I am so gross. I woke up with a zit on my ARM. I don’t even really get zits on my face, and yet, God has blessed me with an arm zit. Is that even a thing? I’m showing you a picture because I’m disgusting like that (you know you want to look): 

  
Say hi to all my moles! Don’t go in tanning beds, kids. 

My Husband Hates Me and Is Trying to Starve Me to Death

Things you should know before reading these texts:

  • Andy and I are trying to be healthy.
  • We were doing OK, but both gained weight this week.
  • He’s using Siri for his texts. I swear he’s not a horrible speller/typer. Siri makes him look like Forrest Gump.


WHY WON’T HE BRING HOME CHIPS? Because I ate 1/2 an ice cream sundae for dinner? Because my BMI is probably higher than my age? Because I’m white? It’s all just so cruel.