Every time a friend gets pregnant, has a baby shower, or gives birth, I always wonder if that day will be the day that makes me want a baby. Even if I don’t know if I want a baby, there’s some weird hormone crap inside you that goes nuts when you get near a kid, right? I either don’t have a biological clock, it’s broken, or it doesn’t feel like working yet.
For example, if someone hands me a baby, I talk to it like it can understand me, get jealous about how soft its skin is, and then I give it back to its mom. I enjoyed my time with the baby, but at no point did I think in my head “Oh my gosh, I want one!”
However, if someone hands me their ice cream sundae, I will stare at it longingly, wonder when it will be my turn to get my own ice cream sundae, and run to make my own STAT.
Why have a baby when you can have an ice cream sundae instead? Ice cream sundaes don’t cry and you don’t have to pay to send them to college either. And if you don’t like the way one was made, you can just make another one and toss the gross one.
And in conclusion, may I please remind you that it does not say R.S.V.P. on the Statue of Liberty. Thank you very much.